Hm.

Jun 252012
 



Once when I was twelve, I was dancing to Papa Don’t Preach in my bedroom, whipping my head back and forth (before that was cool) and singing with anguished facial expressions into my full length mirror.

Mid- song Bubba stormed into my room, ejected the CD, and smashed it to smithereens on my bedroom floor.

A little dramatic. But sure kept me from becoming a young, unwed, pregnant, belligerent, bleach blonde daughter.

 

Ahem.

Love you, Bubba.

 

So here’s the 411.*

Once again – I’m in trouble, deep.

I forgot again. I’ve been waiting to write to you. Waiting until I was able to put a lovely spin on something really sucky. Waiting till I felt happy again. Till I had it all figured out. But that’s not how we roll here, is it? That is actually quite the opposite of how we roll here.

My doctor just had one million (more) blood tests done because I’ve been sick, sick, sick. The results are that a) my neurological Lyme is worse than ever. Yaaay!! All the medical treatments for the past three years have not only been brutal but also completely ineffective! JOY! b) The Lyme isn’t even CLOSE to my biggest problem.  My biggest problem is that I also have a PARASITE that was likely transmitted by the same damn tick that gave me the Lyme. This parasite has been newly identified and is compared to Malaria but wait- it gets better- my sweet parasite is one gazillion times worse than Malaria! My parasite lifts up his little parasitic arms and JEERS at Malaria! He eats Malaria for breakfast! Because while Malaria can be treated, my parasite is incurable. No one has EVER been cured of it. Ever, ever, ever!

Everyone please hold up your WTF? billboards now. Thank you very much.

Lyme is sometimes called the “But you look so good” disease. Because when we have good days- we are so delighted to be vertical that we run about and beam. The reason you don’t see us looking bad is that on our bad days, we don’t get out of bed. We cry. We scream because our legs hurt so badly. We dream of amputation. I did yesterday. We can’t take care of our children. Our families are afraid and burdened.

And there are decisions to be made. I live in Virginia, and Lyme is epidemic in my county. People don’t like to talk about it, but it’s true. My neighbors and friends are dropping like bowling pins, ten at a time. The kids, too. Truly.

It’s not good to run from things. Usually. Sometimes. Sometimes it’s not good.  But it’s hard for me to live here. It’s sort of like someone with PTSD from a war trying to live in a laser tag arena. Or a person who narrowly escaped a huge earthquake settling down in San Francisco. It’s a tad nerve wracking.  I don’t want my kids to get what I have. because I know how it feels. And also, I don’t feel good here. The weather changes every day and I’m freezing cold when it’s 75 degrees. I can’t even go to church anymore because it’s too cold at church. I shake like I’m being electrocuted and then crash for the rest of the day.

This is why we’ve been traveling to Florida often. And I kind of want to just pick up and move there. Because I feel better there. It’s so warm and so close to the ocean. It seems like it’d be easier to feel better near the ocean doesn’t it? And because the silver lining of having various incurable diseases is that you are permitted to do dramatic things because you are living a dramatic life.  Right?

I lay in bed and think –  I will move my family. I will live on the beach. I will sit on my deck and write while I look at the ocean. I will have barely any clothes. Just tank tops and flow-y skirts. I will practice yoga and squeeze fresh juice every morning. I will figure out how to heal myself since I’m pretty sure I’m the only girl for the job. I’ve tried everybody else.

BUT.

Sister. She’s having my (her) baby. In three weeks. How can I leave? I can’t leave. I will die without her. I will die if I stay here, it feels some days. And our friends are here. And the kids’ friends are here. And also, we don’t know anyone in Florida. So scary.

What to do? Is it scarier there or here?

Should I wait till the Universe reveals more? If you don’t know what to do, do nothing  -right? But then again, insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.

Good Lord. I am a problem wrapped in a dilemma smothered with confusion and garnished with pain and paranoia.

 

I love you. The sun will come out tomorrow.

Moral of this Momastery story: Life is hard. Even when it looks like it’s not.

Love, G

 

 

*Bubba also smashed my Mary J. Blige What’s the 411? cd. Swearsies. Ask him.



Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  248 Responses to “Hm.”

  1. I am being treated for babesia now. Been battling with Lyme for a couple years now. Please tell me it gets better from here. The treatment course is awful!

  2. Dear Glennon, I’m so sorry about your bad news. Life is HARD, you ain’t kiddin.

    I’ve struggled with fatigue and joint pain, along with other symptoms (yada yada yada), for years and have previously been tested for rheumatoid arthritis and lupus–and of course, now that I’ve had preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome, I’ve been tested for other things as well and the tests have all been negative. I haven’t ever been tested for Lyme, however. I don’t know what’s going on with my body, and I just want to say a big WTF, too. And of course, without my daughter everything is so much harder and more painful.

    I’m really amazed by your spirit and energy despite your challenges. You’ve written about how incredibly sick and tired you often feel, and yet you continue to write up a storm, sharing your heart, making us laugh, and helping others. You ROCK. And I want to be more like you when I grow up.

    Much love to you.

  3. I moved 2,600 miles away from western LoCo after spending 4 years in fear of deer ticks and Lyme — esp. for my son who loves to be outdoors and explore. But the big difference is that we moved to be near family (and where we could afford to live, but that’s a different story). Virginia weather is awful, except in October… then it is beautiful.
    I’m so sorry you are suffering.

  4. Double dang! I just wrote you hoping your Lyme is better and then see this! Here’s a great big hug from me……( ) ……………
    and a little Moma Koz advice- winters in Florida and summers near Sister.
    Patti can handle thing when you’re not close by, and, as for Bubba D, well you know…
    xoxoxoxo

  5. Check out babeofmyheart blog, she went through what you are going through, even the parasite.

  6. I’M in Florida, Silly girl!!! There’s me and my Monkee sister and all kinds of crazy people that make you feel REALLY good about yourself. Please come…my house is all kinds of disaster but I’d make room for the Melton-Pot!

  7. […] time to #1. There is sad news this week from Momastery; in a blog post on Monday, Glennon Melton revealed to readers that she has an “incurable” tick-borne parasite “one gazillion times worse than Malaria.” (She’s calling it […]

  8. I’m new to your blog and haven’t read much about the lymes (I came for your hilarious whack-a-mole post). I wanted to share that I have seen a naturopath for a couple of years now for things that the western medical field have called “incurable” or not even present. I don’t know if you’ve tried this path, but I do know they treat Lyme’s and parasites. It is worth a try and has such great potential. It has been life changing for my family. We go to one that does “electro-dermal screening” which has been the key after seeing various other naturopaths. We live in MN, but maybe you could google for one in your area? I just felt compelled to tell you this in hopes that it could help you as well. Good luck!

  9. oh my sweet Glennon,

    Moving is huge and scary and insane making. It can make the sweetest women go looney tunes crazy on her entire family. It flips your reality upside down and backwards and you feel as though you will never catch your breath again and how will you ever ever ever make friends here.
    ok, thats the downside
    on the positive side is that with each move, each transplanting of our family, with every single broken heart night of sobbing as I miss my friends and the family we created in our last hometown I become stronger. My heart rebuilds, my voice grows stronger, my children trust me more. I learn just how much God loves me with each move as well. I would love to say i move with my husband and his job with a good attitude and peaceful heart but more often then I like to admit I go kicking and screaming and and threating to hide till after the moving truck leaves so i dont have to follow.
    Yet with each and every scary move God has shown me His amazing love. I am always given exactly what i need. A school for my oldest that will love and support her in her autism? check. A house for us that we can grow in and make a home without waiting for 18 months on a housing list? check. A church family who loved on us after trying just one church? check. with each time He gives me such gifts I stop and feel foolish for forgettting the last time and vow i will not ever forget. that in 6 months, 3 years, 5 years, whenever we are ordered to pack and follow i will be calm and collected and remember that my God loves me so freaking much and all the Grace He gave me the last move.
    I havent managed to pull that one off yet, but hey, in 3 years i will get to try again

  10. Best line EVER: “I am a problem wrapped in a dilemma smothered with confusion and garnished with pain and paranoia.”

    You rock Glennon; I love your humor in the face of your insane problems! You always brighten my day.

  11. This post resides DEEP, DEEP within G! Thank you for expressing what I feel every single day, as your neighbor. Booooo to Alejandro – it’s the tick that never stops giving – good grief! Lifting you up now! XOXO

  12. I am so sorry. I wish that there were something we could all do to help. There just HAS to be a way for all of us to help. One thing I am sure of: prayers help. And you have thousands of people praying for you. That is step one. But step two…we must find a way to get you to Florida…either with your own place there that you can go back and forth from…or permanently.

    After everything you have done for so many others, I am sure that your good deeds will now flow back to you in spades. And when they say “uncurable”, it only means that they haven’t found that elusive plant in the Amazon (or where ever) that makes the medicine that cures it.

    Your life is so huge. You are such a special, important soul, here doing such important work. All of this is part of that. It has to be. In the end, following your bliss to warm, comforting Florida will most certainly be part of your lesson. Perhaps God decided he needed you there and this would be the only way to get you to move? Who knows. :)

    Sending you so much love. So much.
    Ursula (Justine’s sis)

  13. We are moving to Florida on Monday…yep I said Monday….from Minnesota! Moving is scary and exciting and nerve racking all in one! New place, new people, new jobs…..the lists goes on and on. But I will tell you one thing when Hubby and I were deciding if this new career move was a good one or not we prayed, and prayed and prayed some more; waiting (begging might be a better word) for God to send us a memo or something. LOL Needless to say no memo showed up but when we finally stopped trying to “get” an answer from Him, He gave us one. So to Florida it is. I think we were talking so loudly to Him that we weren’t listening to what He was telling us. That is a lesson for which I am always struggling with. I am a planner…well….alright really, I like control…there I said it out loud where it’s safe to do so (Thank you Monkees!).

    Moving is a big decision and best of luck to whatever you decide. And don’t forget you have “Monkee friends” everywhere. Oh and we already have guest coming to visit us in Florida for July and August, so it’s a great place to welcome friends and family for vacations :)

  14. Hello G. I live in Florida! You can “know” me and my family if you like. We have a 2 1/2 year-old and a yellow lab. We are fun and caring and love making new friends!

  15. So sorry to hear that things are not going well for you. Hugs!!!!
    Lots of good wishes your way!

  16. Obviously the only sane choice is to move to Florida and take sister and sister’s baby with you! Why not try to have it all? :)

  17. I am so sorry that things aren’t going well. I feel the same often, our family has had our fair share of medical ups and downs and I try to wait and write about it until I can wrap it up with a bow but sometimes that is just too long to wait.
    Thinking of you.

  18. Oh my dear G. So sorry to hear about this! Its just too much to comprehend. If there is anything us Monkees can do you for – Flash Mob for Glennon – Flash Mob for Medical Research/Bills – please let us know.

    You inspire and love us all so much. Let us do the same for you if we can help.

    Many prayers being said for you from all around the globe.

  19. SOOO sorry G! Hang in there and know you are lifted up in thoughts and prayers and love of all the monkees around you!!

    I am in naturopathic medical school in AZ at this very moment because when my sweet babies were sick, I searched and searched in and through and past conventional medicine until I found “alternatives” that finally worked. Naturopathic medicine is FANTASTIC ! I urge you to find a licensed Naturopathic Doctor and learn about these therapies. I just checked and unfortunately Virginia doesn’t offer licensing for NDs. But there is an association web site that may be a start — http://www.vaanp.org

  20. G – my heart is heavy for you. Health issues are so hard. We recently lost our beautiful 9-year old boy to cancer after a 7 year fight. One thing I wish was that we’d sought out natural treatments earlier. Of course we cant control outcomes only God can, but the natural treatments gave him such a great quality of life. You do have to be careful tho because there are so many quacks out there…

    • ((Hugs)) to you Jamie, so sorry to read about your precious boy. While I know that our time here on earth is so short compared to our eternal joy, I can only imagine your sorrow. xoxo

  21. oh I hope you work it all out G. I feel your pain. I’m away from my family, living in Massachusetts (I’m Australian), believe me I know how hard it is. But we all need to look after own families first. If that’s what best for you 5 Meltons, then everything else will fall into place and work itself out. Wishing you peace and a little clarity :-)

  22. Praying for you w/all I’ve I got…

  23. I was so glad we moved out of NY state, because of the looming threat of Lyme (and sub freezing temps, since I’m a Texan, but that’s not incurable). We miss the grandparents, though. But out here in the Pacific NW we get to be in nature, with no fear, and that is a biggie for me. It’s most of my personality and sanity, in fact. Health is SO important. So is family. And general happiness with your environment, since we have only one life. It’s hard. :(

  24. Prayers for you. Wish there was something the Monkees could do for you

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