Jun 192012



Monks. I’m still on vacation. I’m grateful for my vacation, let me first say that. Grateful, oh so very grateful.

Kay, now the truth.

DUDE. Vacation is hard. Everyone came WITH me. And they all need the same amount of food and grooming and such as they do at home. And although I did not think that this was possible, they seem to be fighting MORE here. Which makes me MORE MAD at them than I am when they fight at home.

Because Melton Children– Don’t you understand that you are on VACATION? Don’t you understand how freaking lucky you are to HAVE a vacation?? Do you even understand the CONCEPT of gratitude?

No. You do not. You cry at the beach BECAUSE IT’S SANDY. You cry at the pool because IT’S WET.  You fight for two and one half hours about who will wear which bathing suit. You pummel each other’s heads with pool noodles, which I secretly want to do to you.

You are the children of the woman who is TRYING TO START A LOVE REVOLUTION.

Also, Amma- PLEASE STOP SCREAMING FROM THE POOL- “MOMMY I JUST PEED!” Just pee quietly and be done with it like everybody else.

Honestly, that is all. So sorry.

I am taking lots of pictures so that when I get home I can look at them and think, “Oooh, that was fun. Look how much fun we had.” That’s what pictures are for. For forgetting what things were really like and remembering selectively.


Also-  12am last night: Amma climbs into our bed, wakes me up, and makes the following announcement:  MOM. I haven’t bitten my toenails for two weeks.

Is anyone sure how to respond to this? Shall I offer her a fourteen day token?




Home soon.


Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  151 Responses to “VACATION?”

  1. I don’t even know how I finished up here, however I believed this put up used to be good. I don’t understand who you might be but definitely you are going to a famous blogger should you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  2. […] more week until vacation.  No stress […]

  3. My chief keeps getting on my case about not taking leave.

    Dude. When YOU want to watch my kids so I can run away on my own and relax — heck, I don’t need a hotel, just a bath tub, a bottle of wine and laptop set to Netflix Instant-watch — I’ll take leave and “relax.”

    Until then, vacation isn’t.

  4. I just got back from a trip to Disney World with my Mom and my almost 21 month old. Yes, I am that crazy woman who brought an under 2 year old to WDW. After being mauled by her on the plane ride home I thought “I need a vacation!” Your post made me sad to realize that this will probably not get easier (as she gets older and her baby sister arrives), but at least I can take pictures and selectively remember the good times. As always, thanks for your honesty and humor.

    • Amanda, it will totally get easier! It just takes a while. I took my mom and my girls (8 and 10) to the beach for nearly a week and we had a BLAST! :)

  5. We have done a lot of travelling with our pre-teen and teen daughters from the time they were toddlers and this perfectly describes our experience on every trip. But like life, there are enough good times mixed in with the bad to make the journey worthwhile. We spent three weeks in Europe with them last summer and already only remember the fun we had when we look at the photos.

  6. My dad used to plan great 2 week long family vacations. Before the internet, he planned trip details down to the perfect quaint hotel, or great shops. Every trip, his three ungrateful children (yes, me included) would reek havoc on his plans. By the end he would have yelled at least once, “THIS IS THE LAST TRIP I AM TAKING YOU KIDS ON!” It never was the last trip. He kept planning great trips until his death 11 years ago. I love telling my kids the funny stories of our crazy trips and it has given me a much better attitude about what to expect when on “vacation”.

    • My husband also has those ‘fun’ vacation memories, and our kids LOVE hearing his stories. Your post made me smile.

  7. I feel sad reading your comments. I am ill because of complications from the birth of my only son. my husband is angry I am sick all the time. If I was lucky enough to have three children and well enough to take a vacation with disposable cash to fund the trip and a supportive spouse, I would be thankful for every minute.

    • bleh.

      • I am sorry, but what does “bleh” mean?

        • I hope your version means something loving and kind, which would be fitting for a blog that promotes that “love wins”.

          • It probably doesn’t, but then your response to Glennon’s post wasn’t really fitting in with “love wins” either. I am very sorry for your illness and that your husband is not being supportive, but your unhappiness doesn’t mean that Glennon doesn’t have the right to talk about her feelings right now without you judging her. We are each dealing with all the good and bad in our own lives, and Glennon has plenty or both.

          • I meant what Brookes said.

    • I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time.

    • Hi Jelly…

      I understand how you’re feeling and to read about someone’s vacation and feel they should be grateful when you yourself are struggling is perfectly normal and easy to sympathize with. I just wanted to offer this: though your own struggles may make Glennon’s seem trivial in your eyes, many of us are grateful to her for sharing these everyday struggles, the ones that make us laugh and nod in recognition. I am a social worker who worked in palliative care for four years with people dying and even there, with people in their last months of living, it doesn’t mean they never found their kid’s behavior agonizing and worthy of a complaint or two. We all try to be grateful for the gifts we are given, the good fortune to take a vacation and of course there is ALWAYS someone in this world suffering much worse than ourselves, even you, however, finding humour and light in the day to day grind makes us all human. Life is relative. When you have no food and no shelter, you struggle with food and shelter and many other difficult problems – but I guarantee, if you have kids, they can still drive you up that wall some moments and are your greatest joy at others. I’m guessing you probably didn’t mean to sound judgemental, just wanted to shine a light on the “positive” in Glennon’s situation. It took me many years as a social worker working with many many people suffering in many many ways, poverty, torture, abuse, cancer, to finally realize that I have to have my own happiness and can’t always be feeling guilty if I get to have fun or complain about the struggles in my own life. We all have our path to travel. Glennon, you, me… and sharing the trials and tribulations of each with one another is what brings us together. Thank you for sharing your struggles too. I wish you some relief in your suffering very soon :-)

    • A widow could say to you, “Well my husband’s dead, so be happy you have a husband.” What you’re going through is unfortunate, but that doesn’t mean the author has to savor every second of her children fighting.

      • I have never posted a comment before on a blog posting and would be reluctant to do it again. I hope Glennon has the discretion to edit this and wipe out this line of discussion, because it serves no kind purpose. my comment related solely to my reaction to her posting and reflected what I personally would do, really what I would give anything to be able to do, if it was me. if I can’t express my own profound grief as simply a statement (albeit one that was triggered by a piece of writing) and a desire to find joy where I cannot right now, then perhaps I have misjudged elements of this community. thanks to those of you who had kind things to say. let this line end here.

    • I am so sorry for your difficult time. It sounds hard. I will pray for you.
      A thought–if you were in Glennon’s shoes, you may not be thankful for every minute, because no matter what we have been given, or not given, we still live in a hard world. We are still sinners, and we live with sinners. And a lot of the time, that makes life hard no matter where we are. I hurt the people I love and they hurt me. This includes my amazing husband, my parents and my children.
      On the other side of heaven, we will be eternally grateful for what we have been given.

    • I’m sorry you’re ill and I hope and pray that you will get well! I’m also sorry to hear that you’re huspand is angry, this must be hard on both of you.

  8. Once I became a mom, I only truly relax when my own mom is around. Because she works with me. And we work the same way because she taught me to do everything.
    I once had a cancer treatment where I had to be isolated for five days, and everything I touched had to be ‘disposed’ of by hazmat. People gave me books and magazines that I could throw away when I was done with them. It sounds horrible, but for this mother of four, it was not so bad. The hardest part was not being able to touch a computer. Five days was a little long, but the solitude was a nice switch. Is that terrible?
    (while I was gone the dog got violently ill, all my flowers died and my youngest shoved a tiny lego up her nose–the whole thing was much harder on my husband.)

  9. uh. less talky, more pics of craig.

    love you.

    • I know. Especially Craig in a swimsuit, or Craig without a shirt on.

      Great pix of the whole family, though. Seriously. But still, more Craig, please.

  10. http://thereasonsilive.weebly.com/

    Miss G,

    I just wanted to say thank you for your experience, strength and hope. You have inspired me to write as well. And I have chosen to follow your laws of Love. Wanted to show you my little blog. I don’t care if anyone reads it cause its my therapy. :) Just wanted to share with you how much you can inspire by giving the experiences that we all share and providing a platform where we can relate. I too have had my share of battles. My daughter’s father passed away from the disease of addiction so i know struggle all too well. But it is a happy grateful struggle because it provides us a way of life that is based on loving and being thankful that there is a God and he has a Plan for us. Hope your vacation was grand and your littles are behaving for you a little better since this last post. xoxo

  11. This picture reminds me of the one of you and your sister dancing (minus 30 years). Tish has got her lobster!

  12. well that gives me something to look forward to when our piggies our stuck in the sandy sand and the wet Gulf of Mexico in a few weeks. It will likely be a similarly epic adventure! Enjoy your selective memories!

  13. I don’t deserve to be in the company of these classy monkees. “Change of scenery,” “trip”…I used to call it “same sh!t, different place.”

  14. Loved this. Have no idea where you are. But I need to say this to you and everyone who struggles with vacation: Hawaii. We took my parents and our two- and four-year old. It was a vacation. It was magical. Cannot say enough about it and cannot wait to take us all back there.

  15. Loving these comments!!! It’s definitely not vacation with kids…it’s a “trip.” We’ve done a fair amount of traveling and it’s definitely tempering my expectations that allows any semblance of survival. I think of it as a good experience for the kids, broadening horizons, etc., but relaxation is NEVER part of it.

    Have to look into this Jamaica with nannies resort, though!!!

  16. Glennon,
    What you are describing is a trip not a vacation. I did not understand the difference until I became a parent. I came to Mommy-dom late in life and require an occasional reset to stay sane. My husband found a place in Vermont that is basically family camp. Kids get dropped off and parents get to do whatever they need to do to make it through the rest of the year. My husband and I do pottery, archery and read – some parents go on 25 mile bike rides and climb rock walls. The nice folks who run the place feed our children three meals a day, entertain the heck out of them and return them each night exhausted! Children are not permitted in the dining room – EVER! Gourmet meals with my husband prepared by someone else are what I live for – not having to make reservations or listen to my child whine about what’s on her plate is divine! Tyler Family Place, High Gate Springs, VT – I love you dearly!

  17. Love that photo!! They are their mother’s (and aunt’s) children:). What ‘tude, what sass!

  18. I remember the comedian Louis C.K. saying that for parents the equivalent of a vacation (what childless people enjoy) is after having buckled the kids into the car, closed/slammed the door and that lovely, slow, solitary walk around the back of the car. That is our vacation. I always take my sweet time walking around the back of our car. Love you Glennon!

  19. My thoughts exactly!! We just went on vacation about 2 weeks ago to Seagrove, Florida. Both my daughters complained, cried and whined about everything from the sand to the bugs to the seaweed to the wind to the waves to the suncscreen and on and on. I just kept thinking…”we are the BEACH, duh. What do you want?” Grrrr.

    So funny and true, as we can always count on from you, G!!!

  20. You make me smile!! Makes us all feel normal…Love –

  21. Love this – glad I am not the only one who thinks summer is hard 😉

  22. We visit my parents at the beach a lot in the summer and my son (3) can be such a beast when we are there. Last summer was awful and this summer isn’t starting out much better! The few hours that we spend on the beach are awesome, but the other 20-21 hours are torture and we come home every Sunday swearing that we will not subject ourselves to that the following weekend. But we always go back because it’s hot and we love the beach and my parents and we go through the same routine of no one sleeping or eating, and kids fighting and whining. I wish my son realized how lucky he is to have a beach house to visit all the time! I always thought this was going to be such a fun time in our life – at the beach with our kids and their cousins – I had no idea how hard it would be to have fun and forget about the tough parts!

  23. Oh my. That picture of Tish and Amma is adorable!

    Thank God those two girls aren’t old enough for clubbing yet.

    You’re going to have to start carrying large sticks with you. Pool noodles won’t be enough to fend off the boys….

  24. Preach it girl! My husband always asks me why I can’t relax on vacation. Ummm, could it be because I brought my “job” with me?????

  25. You totally nailed it. That’s exactly what a vacation is like!
    When my kids were little, my favorite vacation spot was my MIL’s living room. It was the only time I got a break!

    I used to love camping because my husband did all the work, including most of the food prep. Then we (finally, after the 4th kid) bought a 2-burner propane campstove. Yes, I was foolish and said that if we bought one, I would take over much of the cooking. Silly me.

  26. A warning about those considering a road trip with the grands. Be sure Nana doesn’t feel like it’s her vacation, too. Nana, a normally considerate, thoughtful, generous woman, could become your other child. “Why can’t we go….” “You can. It’s naptime for the baby, so I am staying with her.” “I don’t want to go without you! It’s vacation! Can’t husband stay?” “She barely falls asleep for me, and we are in a new place….” “It’s ok, we’ll just all go to the hotel together.” “Uhhh, no. The baby won’t sleep that way. I need you guys to go do something.” Huffy silence. Disappointment etched, though never explicitly stated, on her face….no one is putting her vacation first. Nana. You are on vaco with a 5, 3, and 1 year old. Clearly your expectations were too high. If you want vaco your way, go without the babes! DUH!

  27. My husband and I don’t call it a vacation. If the kids are with us it is a “change of scenery”. :) And they get better every year as the children get older!

    • That’s funny – I have a friend who says that a “trip” is what you take with the children – a “vacation” is when you leave them home :)

  28. I think it was on the show “Modern Family” where the dad kept trying to convince his wife that their family vacation (with 3 kids) could be a second honeymoon. She said something along the lines of, “I’m a mom on vacation with her family. This is a business trip for me.” So true!

  29. Yup. That’s about how my “vacations” go. LOL. :-)

    Kids. Oy.

  30. If I ever get a vacation, I’m gonna rent a freakin deserted island, but with internet so I can chat with my girls(my uhm Monkees, not my girls by birth).

  31. All I can say is thank you for the photo of the model. Thank you very much. Oh, and I’ve heard that until all children are over the age of like 21, there is no such thing as a true vacation. Enjoy! :-)

  32. This is kind of a response to this post and kind of a response to your post awhile back after all the people unsubscribed who didn’t agree with your thoughts about gay marriage or something like that. I just want to say this post cracked me up. Thank you for making my day. And I want to say to that I am sorry that I thought about unsubscribing when you wrote what you did because I’m someone who doesn’t agree. Because you know what, I’m sure there are tons of things I don’t agree with people about. But I really enjoy your blog and I’m thankful for the ways it makes me laugh, look outside myself for help and think about those things I don’t agree about. Thanks Glennon!

  33. Just said that today…I’m glad we’re not the only ones with ungratefully spoiled (in a good way) kids! I need a vacation after I get home from a vacation. But Thank You Jesus we can get away at all!! Leaving in two weeks….

    My first time to your blog–love laughing out loud 😀

  34. I think I hurt myself laughing!!! LOve this!!

  35. I think the proper response would be:
    “Now listen here, missy. I am on vacation. VACATION. I will not be performing any additional grooming routines. March your little butt over to your side of the room and start chomping on those metatarsils!”


  36. This. Is. Hilarious. (And thanks for the hot hubby pic!) My husband was in the military when our kids were little, so we didn’t vacation so much as came home to see family from wherever we were stationed. So not a vacation! We finally went on our first family vacation when our kids were 9 and 7 – Disneyland. Young enough to love it and old enough to understand mom’s “if-you-dont-stop-what-you’re-doing-right-now-I-may-have-to-kill-one-of-you’ tone. And anyone who tells you that RV-ing is a vacation is lying to your face. It’s your house on wheels! With dishes that need washing, food that needs cooking and cleaning to be done. WTF?

    • “And anyone who tells you that RV-ing is a vacation is lying to your face. It’s your house on wheels! With dishes that need washing, food that needs cooking and cleaning to be done. WTF?”

      I totally agree : I think vacation can be translated by “Hey, I’m not the one who is in charge here. Go away and let me take some rest” …

  37. We went to Disney World for spring break this year. 23 hours in the car. The kids were really excited. Then we got there and they never wanted to go to the parks. Most often heard question: “Can we go back to the hotel and go swimming?” Now they keep asking when we can go back. Ha. Next vacation we’re going somewhere with a nice pool and staying there the whole time. Maybe that nanny place.

    • I know what you mean! A couple of years ago we went to California (we’re East Coasters) and did Hollywood, the Kodak Theater, Universal Studios, Disneyland, the Santa Monica Pier, and the San Diego Zoo. The kids’ favorite part? The hotel pool. Sigh. We tried.

  38. That did make me laugh! I only have one 2yo, but last month took her from Brisbane to the US (Sydney – Dallas, 16 hr nonstop flight) on my own, met up with my husband who had 3 weeks in the US without us (yes, a REAL vacation), then did 2.5 weeks of driving around the US visiting friends and family before doing the massive flight back. On top of that, NO ONE warned me about the special hell that is toddler jet lag. It took her TEN nights to sleep through, out of only about 16 nights away. Oh, and I contracted giardia. I didn’t even know what that was, but let me assure you, it is not plesant. I was exhausted when we got home (and it took her eight nights to sleep through on the return home), even though I loved seeing everyone, and love my photos! I am already researching resorts in Fiji for next year with nannies (8am to 9pm! One free for each child under 5!!!) and VERY LITTLE TIME DIFFERENCE! Soldier on, Glennon!

    • Joanna, I just got back two weeks ago from Fiji, resort with nannies from 8-9 (pretty sure the same one you are looking at because there is ony one with that deal) and I promise you it will be the best holiday you ever have! AMAZING! This time was our third trip there because every time we think about going somewhere else we just cant bring ourselves to do it! Book it NOW! We have lots of family and friends in the USA and Canada and despite having our first child almost seven years ago, I am still too terrified to make the trip with the kids (3 of them) for exacty the reasons you just wrote about! Have a BALL in Fiji!

      • Thanks! My husband will think it is too expensive, but I think I will just book it and once he is there he will love it. Any particular time of year you recommend? I forgot to mention the terror of a toddler in an airport – complete meltdown in immigration queues (in Sydney, we were even called to the front of the very long line, apologetically pushing past all the parents with WELL BEHAVED children!), nearly shutting down airports by running the wrong way through security, getting behind the check in counters, etc! When you are juggling bags, passports, tickets and trying to check in/get through security as quickly as possible to get out of everyone’s way, there is only so much you can do to control a very excited 17kg two year old! Now she keeps saying “I want to go on a big plane!” Um, no, not until I have recovered a bit from the last trip! :)

        • Yes, just book it! And yes, it is expensive but I promise you it is worth every penny! I’d sell a child just to go back! 😉 the food is DIVINE, the people are the loveliest, the nannies are amazing beyond words, the accom is perfect (nothing flashy but you are never in your room so it doesn’t matter) and the whole experience will make it your best holiday since kids ever! We went late May-early June this time and it was a lot cooler, not at all cold but we did a lot less swimming (kids still swam as much and my hubby either dove or snorkelled every day) and it being colder made not a scrap of difference because it really is that good! The other times we were there in August and September, warmer but not better if it doesn’t bother you. I don’t think you can go wrong any time of year. Just book directly through the resort, no need for travel agents, Narelle at the office in Melbourne who I only know via email, is fantastic. Flights can be a bit shitty, we never do the Aus-Nadi night flight because I don’t want to start the holiday with tired, grumpy kids. We have always stayed a night either side in Nadi because of the way our flights worked, it is a pain but worth it. Depending where you are flying in and out of you can do it in one day. If you do end up going ask for the nanny Titi, I can’t recommend her highly enough! If you don’t get her, they are all great! Over three visits we have used at least half of them! DO IT!

          Oh and you are making me not want to even think about our potential trip to the US at the start of 2014 with your horror story! One of my best friends flew Melb to Toronto by herself with three kids, the eldest vomited all over the youngest on the Melb-LA leg and my friend had forgotten a change of clothes. she had to buy clothes in LA airport. Eldest then vomited again on the LA-Toronto leg and the flight attendant refused to take away the full sick bag so it sat between their feet for 7 hours. Hell in an airplane!

          Have I mentioned that you should BOOK FIJI NOW?

          • PS sorry for he novel! And just to make you feel a tad better, as we came into Syd two weeks ago my 2 year old said, “Hello mr bum bum” to the immigration officer! Nice!

          • Ladies, You have sold me, what is the name of this resort?. We’re going there next holiday!

    • need to know which resort that is!

    • Ah – travelling with toddlers. Fun isn’t it?!?!

      I just came over to Australia from East Canada, just me and my 2 year old – 30 hours of horrendousness (if that’s even a word!). The trip back will be 37 hours long. I’m trying not to think about it! :)

  39. Laughing so hard! My sentiments EXACTLY! I sometimes think you are in my head…have a great vacay (or at least great memories of a vacay, lol).

  40. I usually reply something like, “Cool! They’ll be long enough to paint soon!”
    But I’ve never had to respond to this announcement in the middle of the night. 😉

  41. First of all, you are soooo right about the pictures {I am taking lots of pictures so that when I get home I can look at them and think, “Oooh, that was fun. Look how much fun we had.” That’s what pictures are for. For forgetting what things were really like and remembering selectively.}

    Second, you might want to keep Craig somewhere protected from womenkind if you’re going to post photos like that of him! 😀

  42. So very grateful that we vacation every year with my in-laws. Even with the help, I always come back needing a vacation from my vacation! At least in the 3 weeks leading up to ours this year I’m taking not one, but two mini-trips away with the hubby without the kids. This way I get my vacation, too.

  43. My first vacation at the beach as a child I was afraid of the sand because it “peeped” at me. This may be unique to certain beaches and sand, but sometimes there’s a squeaking noise that’s just enough to scare a 5 yr old who is new to it all and make her believe there are little birds under the sand waiting to peck her bare feet.

    I recall having a lovely time but I am guessing the adults who had to carry me across the beach for 7 days would tell a different tale.

    Hang in there G!

  44. I planned a vacation within a vacation this year. We leave Thursday to fly from Kansas City to Montana. That’s whereI am from. Lots of family. My mom has offered to keep the three kids while the hubby and I take the first weekend in Glacier Park. Why don’t I take my three wonderful Angelic children along for this amazing mini vacation, with in our vacation…. A 5 hour car ride, two days of camping, hiking, no electronics, and little socialization. When they have three kids of their own they will understand.

  45. Can we talk about your hub’s abs for a second? Very nice. I’m glad you took a picture.

  46. HAHAHAHA, we look so forward to vacations, building them up to some crazy alternate universe where everyone will magically love each other and get along, when the reality is that it’s your life, just somewhere other than your home, lol.

    Love wins, alot <—– love that :)

  47. I have a confession. We are supposed to go on “vacation” with my INLAWS next month and I desperately, desperately do not want to go. Hubby and I are fighting a lot so the thought of a long ass car ride out to “vacation” where we will meet his parents is like chinese water torture. Someone rescue me before this fiasco starts please! Not to mention that, yeah, it won’t be a vacation for me b/c as a SAHM, I will still have all the same chores I do now – cooking, bathing, wiping butts, etc., I’ll just have to drag all our crap with us. Okay sorry this is a downer. Done feeling sorry for myself. I’ll survive. I can do hard things!

    • Oh, sweetie! Here’s hoping that the in-laws are desperate to spend quality time with their grands–and that “quality time” includes some kid-bathing and butt-wiping and stealing the little darling(s) away so Momma can rest. {{{Mary}}}

    • Haha, reminds me of my neice. She called my sister-in-law over to wipe her butt. As she’s wiping, my s-i-l hears her sigh and say, “I do NOT know why you like to do this” lol

      Butt-wiping is definitely not one of the glamorous parts of motherhood.

  48. Glennon,
    Can I tell you a secret? I’ve been doing this mommy gig for almost 27 years. Straight. 5 more years to go. 1826 more days. I might make a construction paper chain to tear off one now and then. Except after a couple of glasses of wine I would probably have a shred fest and walk off into the sunset in my gleeful delusion. This shit is hard and my last child is now a teenager and is very blatantly trying to make me CRAZY. I think someone must be passing him notes on new ways to make me want to say WTF to him.
    So, I get you girl. I take pictures of him when he lets me and carps kairos and do the countdown in my head. Wherever we are. Love, M

    • I’m only at 21 years, honey, but I’ve got 11 still to go. Hang in there – from where I sit, you’re almost at the finish line!

    • How many kids do you have?! 27 years! Wow! I am at 14 years with about 13 official years to go….which will be 27 of active parenting! Good luck to you sister on the next 5! But then I hear adult children are a real pain in the %$#!

      • Thanks fellow warriors! Morale is rising, keep plugging away my sisters. I would have been done several years ago if not for the grand finale. The one who disabled the teachers drinking fountain with a peanut, making it spray a crazy geyser on poor thirsty, underpaid teachers. The one who found an old pair of my dads handcuffs and cuffed himself…no key…the local police found this to be hilarious. I didn’t think I could glow that shade of red. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. God bless us all and please continue to make us laugh G…we need it! M

      • My mom is nearly at the 26-year mark of motherhood (I’ll be 26 in Oct. – I’m her oldest), and she still has 11 years to go before the youngest graduates high school. She’s essentially a saint, in my eyes!

        • Tell your mom she is in my prayers tonite! She is my soul sister. We veteran mamas are very adept at rolling with the punches. I am going nomad when my service is done. Hallelujah!

  49. Even when grandparents or siblings come along to help us out on our family vacations, I still always want a vacation after the vacation. It’s actually often business trips that are the most relaxing of my vacations. http://bit.ly/NNkE1Q

  50. Glennon! I’ve missed you on here! I totally feel your pain on this one. Once again, you say what the rest of us are thinking.

  51. We rented a house in Florida for a vacation which may have spoiled my previously self-sufficient children. My four children shared two rooms, each equipped with a TV. One night I went to tuck in my four-year old and he was agitated. I said, “What’s wrong?” He angrily muttered, “Megan left me with all the work!” I was baffled and said, “What work?” He said, “She left ME to turn off the TV by myself!!!”

  52. My hubby and I always joke that it’s not a vacation unless the grandparents come too. Then we can sneak out to go to lunch or dinner by ourselves. I will say that we do have a blast just as a family at Disney World. They’re so kid centric that I don’t feel like its the same old routine, just at a different place. The only drawback is by the end of the day we are just exhausted :). We come home and I just want to sleep for a whole day!

  53. The best thing I ever did was take ONE of my three children with me on a trip. That was a vacation. No fighting. Lots of bonding, which is much more difficult at home with three little ones. She carried her own bag, ate food like a big girl, kept up with me in the airport, never cried once … it was heaven! My husband had a similar experience with the one left at home and the baby. Granted, we weren’t all together. But that also meant that we could appreciate each other a little better when we were reunited. Less fighting. More love. LOVE!

  54. So true! My sister actually said during our vaca a couple of weeks ago that our trip to the beach may result in her daughter being an only child! Also, why isn’t it ever as hard on the daddys?! Love this post!

  55. So true! I never realized how much it takes to get the circus in the road and then it’s same story different location. I Have been petitioning for years now for a business trip. We can call it a Mom Confetence and it’s required to complete x # of continuing education hours to keep up our Mom Certification.
    Glennon, if you organize it Moms would come!

  56. When you’re a mother, a family vacation is NEVER a vacation. It’s a trip. A trip where you have to do everything you do at home, only less conveniently…

    Just thank the good Lord you didn’t decide to go camping.

  57. A few weeks ago we took a trip to Orlando (we are from Pittsburgh) and went to Sea World. As we were watching the Shamu show, which my husband and I thought was completely amazing, I look down and notice my almost 5 year old is looking around at everything but the whales like he is totally bored. Then he had the nerve to ask me for my iPhone so he could play games!!!! I almost lost it, but quickly remembered that kids do not have the same appreciation for these kinds of things because everyday is like a vacation for them. But hopefully as an adult he will at least remember that we TRIED to do things that we thought would knock his socks off, even if they didn’t :-)

  58. I learned the vacation lesson the hard way. Now, I go to a resort in Jamaica, all inclusive, with NANNIES included. I do not have to be around my kids all day. The nannies do acitivies all day. You can pay the nannies to be with them in the evening. Win-win for everyone. This place is not expensive, but also not more than 3 star. Who cares?!! Live and learn.

    • Okay, raise your hand if you’re going on vacation with Amy next year! Sounds awesome…

    • We went there 2 years ago! It actually WAS a vacation for parents too! Thinking about going back next spring, this time with 3 kids. I ugly cried when we had to say good-bye to our nanny!

    • Kids under 5 are free. I went with two close girlfriends and their kids. SO MUCH FUN. Kids had fun too!!! Will go back next year…..

    • AMY!!! We are going there this summer and was about to post about it!! I seriously cannot wait!! Glad to hear another monkees endorsement! (And Hey – 3 stars is fine… as long as the drinks are free and the kids are having fun… a little bit down the beach… with someone else 😉

      For those interested, the resort site is below – we thought that the Nanny thing must be a gimmick but the trip advisor reviews are amazing!

      • oooooooooooooooooooooooohkay.

        monkee convention. with 49 thousand nannies.

        • I’m already booking our flight! Maybe I’ll arrange for a nanny to take care of me and the remaining 4 of our family can figure out what to do. So very tired of figuring things out… : )

    • I hear you Amy! After too many “same shit, different place” vacations we started going to Fiji ( from Australia) kids club and nannies all included! The kids have a ball because the nannies let them do whatever they want and we have a ball because we actually have a vacation! Everyone wins!

  59. In my opinion, a true vacation is when you and your hubby go away by yourselves and leave your children home with someone else who will be happy to love and care for them for a few days! Then, months later, take your kids on ‘their’ vacation. If I think of it that way, then I can appreciate some of the moments where I may want to scream if it was ‘my’ vacation. It also helps to take another family that you really like with you because you can have fun together and it won’t always seem like you have the worst kids at the pool/beach/museum (occassionally your kids will look like the “good” kids when the other family’s child is having a melt down). Oh, the joys of surviving parenthood in this brutiful world…

  60. Mom of 7 here & just got back from a vacation to Disney World. We camped. Seriously. We have a camper that is less than a year old, but there was no hot water, the stove didn’t work, & I had to walk a mile just to take all 7 kids to the bath house to shower them…ALL of them. Every single day. I took LOTS of pics. Now, I smile & say how nice that was to go to Disney. 😉

  61. I call them “temporary relocations” not “vacations”.

  62. How very true. We now just “vacation” to near by cities for fun day trips…until the kidlets get older. Every once in awhile we consider a new experience but we don’t have to go far to get that…or we read a book- ha ha:)
    Hope the rest goes a bit smoother:)

  63. Vacation is the same amount of work in a place without all the same supports you have at home. So it’s really more work, only in a place with good weather.

    And yet we do it every year. Why is that? I sometimes wonder if I’m all that bright…

  64. In our house, we refer to vacations with kids as “relocations”- same stuff, different place…. :)

  65. Also on vacation here. I agree with every word! This is certainly NOT a vacation for this mama! My sensory overloaded children are out of control!!!! But I’m getting some awesome pictures!

  66. I absolutely on a number of times giggled out loud in my office!

    My mom and I were just talking a few weeks ago about why they never did a timeshare or did other exotic vacations as a family, cause as a grown up I now know they could have afforded it…her response – why pay thousands and thousands of dollars for you guys to fight and cause the same problems that you did if we would have stayed at home? Your father and I chose close places that we enjoyed, then we could tolerate all the chaos that was “vacation” She followed up with she was glad they stored the money away for good wine that they drink now thinking about the good ol’ days (:

    As a grown married adult with one toddler and one on the way I am understanding it more and more, and realizing that I am more my mother’s daughter than I ever thought I could be, and am darn proud of it!

  67. Too funny! We just got back from a beach vacation where tropical storm beryl was in process. So the wonderful woman whose villa we rent invited us to stay one more day. Rent free. To make up for a rainy day. But….my kids were BORED and couldn’t stand another day! I’m planning my “mom break” at a yoga retreat as i write!!

  68. Glennon, this made me laugh – so true. The part about remembering selectively made me think of my favorite saying, which I have no idea to whom to attribute, but I think you’ll appreciate: “an adventure is something that sucks until it’s over.” Like last summer, when we drove from New Jersey to Myrtle Beach in the hurricane with 2 young kids and a nursing newborn. Not fun at the time, but totally fun to look back on. Voila – an adventure!

  69. ….Because Melton Children- Don’t you understand that you are on VACATION? Don’t you understand how freaking lucky you are to HAVE a vacation?? Do you even understand the CONCEPT of gratitude?

    YES!!! We have been really trying/struggling to get this concept into my 6 years old’s head as well. How do you teach this stuff without yelling these exact questions at your children?!?!

  70. Thats cute and very funny ..and so..so true .. XX

  71. What? You can’t “accidentally” leave them behind a la Home Alone and have them take care of themselves for a week? For shame.

  72. uhhh (deep breath)…..wow…can I relate!!!!

  73. Yup! It’s true! And your guy on the float with those abs!! Looks like vacation to me! At least you are ALL so DARN GORGEOUS! Too bad gorgeous people have feeling of inadequacy and despair like everybody else! Keep taking pictures and selectively remembering…that is why I am addicted to FB! No one can hear the bickering!

  74. It’s really too bad that your husband is so horrible to look at. I can imagine that’s an especially tiresome burden to bear on top of all the kids’ vacation shenanigans. 😉

  75. Ahh yes, the truth about vacation.

    My children love to do the “We aren’t at home, so we’re going to wake up 90 minutes earlier than usual.”

    When do they learn to sleep in?


  76. Yes. I now have pictures of my almost 3 year old daughter lying down (with her skirt over her head) en route to view The White House. I mean, seriously, why wasn’t she impressed;)?

  77. I think I posted this on your FB page: “The difference between a ‘trip’ and a ‘vacation’ is that on a ‘trip’ … the kids come with you.

    And I also read recently on FB: “A vacation is when the entire family goes away to a place where they can relax, and the mother comes along to do all the work so that they can.”

    Thanks for the laugh, and also for the AMAZING BEEFCAKE SHOT which we’ve all been pining for. Or maybe that’s just me.


    • “A vacation is when the entire family goes away to a place where they can relax, and the mother comes along to do all the work so that they can.

      ”love this…I might steal it for my FB status!

      • Totally agree!! That is why I recently went on a “trip” with my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and friend to Vegas. All of the boys and kids stayed at home. Loved it!!!

    • Although this is a different context, I am reminded of a comment made to me by a lecturer when I was an undergraduate a few years ago – “it’s called a vacation because the students *vacate*, i.e. they keep working just as hard they just do it *somewhere else*!”

  78. This was our vacation this week. All said and done, I would describe it as “Funnish.”
    I learned that expectations are a killer. Nothing is quite like you think it will be. But also, they somehow remember it differently – even in the middle of a day where we fought from morning till night, my son said, “This is the second best vacation we’ve ever had!”
    I’ll take it.

  79. Yup. Because when you go someplace with the kids, it’s not a vacation. It’s a trip. Or an excursion (which is probably more accurate because it sounds more strenuous). A vacation is when you leave the little darlings with their grandparents – even if you just stay home.
    I say this, of course, as I prepare to go on an excursion with my own tormentors children…

  80. I can so understand your pain. I sometimes think that family vacations are a lot like delivering babies. Once it is over you instantly forget just how hard it was, otherwise there would never be a second baby born or another vacation taken!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of yours, and do try not to hit them too hard with the pool noddles!

  81. LOL! Now I’m scared. I have a 7 day resort vacation booked for my family in September. I knew going into it that it was not “really” going to be a “vacation” for mommy but wanted to get away nonetheless. After reading this, I’m pretty sure daddy is taking the kids on his own while mommy stays home and cleans the house. 😉 But seriously, you’re right. That’s what the pictures are for. When you look back on it, it will be all about what an amazing vacation you had.

  82. Oh, sweet Jesus sister, yes. We just had a 3 day trip this past weekend to Albuquerque and are heading to Hawaii for a week on Saturday. I am hoping we do not manage to be the only people on earth who could have a bad time in Hawaii. But it’s possible. Lordie, is it possible.

    On our trip this weekend I actually said to Laura (to my complete horror but with every ounce of sincerity I have) “Get. Him. Away. From. Me. NOW!”. To her credit, she did. Quickly.

    It was like a demon posessed me and all I could imagine was a vacation away from every single person I know, including and especially my child. An hour to myself and I was fit (mostly) for public consumption again, but whoa nelly, it can get u-g-l-y fast. I feel ya sister. I feel ya.

  83. So Glennon, was the question how to respond to Amma or how to respond to the picture of your Hunk on the float? LOL! Enjoy your vacay…you deserve it!


  84. Yep. That’s all I can say. I am also laughing. Glennon, you rock! Oh, and I’ll be going on “vacation” to the beach in August with my four kiddos and my hubby, who will be just as vacated as I will, I am sure…

  85. Ain’t it the truth? The part about pictures in particular – we took a monster road trip last summer and there were a number of times that I thought that I would lose it – at one point I told my husband that I was taking a lot of pictures so that it would look better than it was and I could always point that out to my children. Good luck!

  86. I just took our 5 children on vacation minus my husband. He stayed at home and got to work. Do we really need to ask who got the real vacation here?!

  87. Duuuuude! Ha! I laughed so hard @a this….as I am in the back seat of our loaded down SUV headed home from our “vacation”. Baby sleeping, dog sleeping….shocking! Thank you for putting in to words what i have been thinking since last Thursday! Xo

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