Apr 032012
 

 

This is what writing a book looks like.

 

Also, this.

I know. None of it’s pretty.

First, I tried to appear shocked in this picture. But I kept checking the shots and I couldn’t make my face looked surprised at all.  It was weird. And then I remembered:

Suspend judgment, Monks.

I accidentally got Botox last month.*

It was an accident.

I went to my weed-whacker (laser hair removal lady) and I saw a sign about Botox and I accidentally asked her about it.

And she told me I HAD TO GET IT IMMEDIATELY.**

But I said: NOT BY THE HAIR ON MY CHINNY-CHIN-CHIN, which is a lot and ridiculous, by the way. And I reminded her that I am very deep and organic and un-vain and I would never use money on POISON FOR MY FOREHEAD when I could use it for something like I don’t know, the March of Dimes. Get Behind Me, Satan! I yelled.

But my WEED WHACKER IGNORED MY PLEAS AND RAN AT ME WITH THE NEEDLE and before I knew it I was a Housewife of Orange County.

I’m still shocked about the whole ordeal, although you’d never be able to tell.

Immediately after the attack, I texted Sister and said, “OMG. I just got attacked by Botox.”

And Sarcastic Sister texted back, “I see. Is botulism part of your all organic and detoxifying lifestyle?”

I did not text her back.

Instead, I texted Nervous Husband.

I wrote, “Husband. You will never believe what I just accidentally got!!!”

And he wrote back, “Glennon. Tell me it is not a puppy. Tell me you did not accidentally get a puppy.”

I really want another dog.

And I wrote back, “NO. I got BOTOX.”

And twenty long minutes later, he wrote, “It’s not a puppy you named Botox, is it?”

Jeez.

 

Anyway, I know it’s ridiculous and vain, but my appointment was the day after the adoption fell through and I thought, well, maybe I can’t save the world, but I can save my forehead, damnit.

You know how you pick your battles with your kids? You let your girl wear tie dye leggings with a neon pink tutu and cowgirl boots and a Monkee Hoodie and lip gloss on her eye-lids to church because you just want to avoid one fight? One meltdown? Because you just need to let something BE? I do the same with myself. I pick my battles with myself. I don’t let myself off the hook for unkindness, shamefulness, gossiping, littering, and things such as this.

But my greedy vanity- I’m keeping it for now. I shall continue to rid myself of chin hairs and grey hairs and the deep crevice in my forehead. I don’t even know why. So I’ll look prettier while I sit behind the computer, I guess.  Whatevs. Can’t explain.

I love you, so I just had to tell you. I feel weird when I don’t tell you things. Be nice to me.  I’m a little fragile lately. Clearly. With all the attacks.

Love- G

 

 

 

*I know. I know it’s poison and I’m going to die and I’m an awful person for spending time and money on ridiculous vanity when there are so many actual worthy uses of time and money and energy. Just wanted to let you know I’m aware, in case anyone was truly concerned that I needed to learn that. It’s like flossing- I know it’s the right thing to do- and I still choose not to do it. It’s not a matter of education, just weak will and questionable judgment.

**My amazing face doctor might have a slightly different version of events.



Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  173 Responses to “Oops”

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  14. Excellent post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Appreciate it!

  15. Hilarious! When I saw the picture of your papers…your book in progress, on the floor, I immediately thought of your “You Can Swim” post. Your description of your bottom, when Sister came and took you to a meeting, and you said “My bedroom looked like my insides had spilled out onto the floor.” Same insides, different floor. Can’t wait to read the book!

  16. Organized Chaos! I love it

    ps your family is ADORABLE not to mention ridiculously good looking ; )

    xo

  17. […] but boy is it HARD sometimes. I’m taking encouragement from one of my favorite bloggers, Glennon, on this one. She is honest and open, and it’s wonderful and vulnerable and scary all at […]

  18. Your forehead is lovely.

    I have a nasty patch of eczema that appeared between my brows, a side-effect of doxycyclene for Lyme. It’s supposed to go away when I change medication. Can’t wait! So I’m letting my bangs grow too long to cover it.

    And my floor periodically has paper distributed over it in little piles in an attempt to sort and organize, but it always ends up taking too long, so it gets stacked in one pile again until the next time. I blame it on the Lyme, too.

    Happy Easter to ALL!

  19. Go for it! I decided a year ago to stop coloring my hair. I was proud of embracing my true self.I had images of having this amazing looking gray hair that would magically appear. Instead I got gray hair that made me feel old. After 1 year I decided I would rather ruin my hair with harmful chemical process rather than look old. I have amazing auburn hair now and perfectly guilt free. Enjoy the botox.

    Lori

  20. Love your honesty! You look great…with or without the bovine botulism!
    So true about picking your battles. I had to put my dog down last night, so your post
    made me smile..Thank you.

    Beth

  21. I noticed something, when I was looking at the two pictures of the papers on your bedroom floor…in fact, I got all hyper-focused (the reason I get that is the subject of paragraph next) and noticed everything in those pictures.

    I have ADD. They call it “ADHD” now, but there are different types, and I didn’t get the Hyperactivity, so I just say I have ADD. I actually WISH I had the hyperactive part, because those with that stand a much better chance of success in life. Thomas Edison and Richard Branson are two good examples, I think. Maybe Benjamin Franklin, too. But I digress (which is what ADD does to me. I can’t stay on one subject for any length of time that is measurable without sensitive electronics.) ANYway… people with ADD tend to make piles, so our living spaces, work spaces, cars, etc., all look like your bedroom in that picture. All. The. Time. So, since your room had such a comfy, familiar look to it, I looked more closely…

    You sat on the floor in two places that are visible in the pictures-one is between the bedpost and the camera in the second picture, the other is in front of the CUTE little stuffed chair. I can tell because of the way the pages are arranged, in curved rows. You probably moved up to that chair at some point, because then you’d have had a better view of the pages you had spread around you, once that circle got too big. I’m guessing you were wrapped in the blue blanket during some of your work, because it’s too neatly folded to have been sat upon.

    You got distracted by something at some point, while you were sitting near the bedpost. You got up, and dropped the papers you were still holding on the spot where you were sitting. I can’t tell whether you started the other circle after you came back from that, or if the place by the bedpost was the last place you were.

    I know I probably don’t have every detail correct here, and it’s just a bit of your doings that day. But I’ll bet I’m pretty close…

    How do I know (or think I know) all this? Am I stalking you? NO. Am I peering in your windows? NO-I have depression along with the ADD, so it’s usually surprising if I look OUT my windows, much less in on anyone else. Besides, I would have to drive about 13 hours to do that, and I don’t have a car, right now. (<—-digression) I know (if I know) this because I tried to be a playwright for a class in college once, and that's what every room I spent more than ten minutes in looked like for the whole last half of that semester.

    It turns out that I am utterly incapable of creating fictional characters. They all talk exactly like I do. So I learned that, at least.

    Also, I know (…) all this because the big laugh that I got out of this was that, right before I read it, I had been going through all my mail from the last few weeks (okay, months) and I have a section of floor that looks much like yours did, that day. I'll email you a photo, because I don't want this on my FB page. :-P pbtht.

    It occurs to me that I should apologize for my excessive use of parentheses. Also an ADD thing, since my thoughts jump from one place to the next too fast (and back, when I'm lucky…) and I can't help it.

    For the record, I'm NOT saying you have ADD. But I always feel a special kinship with people whose floors look this way, even if only for an afternoon.

  22. there is an article in Whole Living that explores the seeming contradiction of beauty treatments/procedures/surgery with a holistic and natural lifestyle. the upshot is to pick your battles; and know why you’re getting the procedure. we are all beautiful in our own ways. sometimes we just need a boost :) Glennon, love you and your posts. it’s great to know that i’m not the only one.

  23. I wish the botox fairy would visit me. I recently found out that my eye dr does it….so potentially I could call this an eye emergency? *sigh*

    I’m happy for you and your beautiful face.

  24. You. Are. Awesome. Love your honesty and sense of humor. Do what you need to do and give yourself the grace He wants us to extend to all, including ourselves. <3

  25. To each her own! As for me, through a study I am doing recently through a book called “Running byThe Book” by Corrine Baur,(LOVE it) I re-learned that my body is a friggin’ TEMPLE!!! The Holy Spirit LIVES IN THERE!!! Can you imagine?! Crazy. So, no poison for me. No Tats, to Tox, no partially hydroginated oils or high fructose corn syrup (well, rarely). I just feel so grateful for this 46 year old able body (so far), that a couple of wrinkles don’t bother me. I am even making peace with that little pooch that surrounds my waistline and is harder and harder to get off, the older I get – but Holy Hotcakes, my body WORKS the way ift is supposed to, I am healthy (for today) and how cool is that?! You look great, I hope it gives you the “lift” you needed! Ha!

    • But – no mistake about it- plucking, waxing, whatever it takes – just no poison on the INside! :-) For me. Hmmm, I DO color my hair, just a weave. I suppose some of that chemical might seep in? Well, like you said, “whatevs.” We all have our limits! :-)

  26. You just make me smile BIG!!!

  27. I too was attacked!! And just let me tell you, once that toxic poison enters your system, you will find yourself happily going about life and 3 months (or so) later, you realize one day that you have steered yourself right back to the scene of “the incident”. Feeling dazed and confused (clearly a side effect botulism), you will stumble into the office wondering what in the world you are doing there? Then you will be welcomed by the beautiful (unlined foreheads) behind the counter. Ah-ha! Before you know it you are in the chair and you too have become one of us- I mean them – umm, us… You know what I mean!
    You are so right PICK YOU BATTLES.
    My first visit to the hair removal expert required a Bush Hog (tractor talk people). I had clearly waited too long.

  28. I wish someone would attack me with botox!! But seriously you are right. Pick and choose the battles even with your own self. I do this too. Sometimes I have to just cut myself some slack!!

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