Recent Melton Marital Conversation:
Craig: Glennon, why do we still have these things in the pantry?
Glennon: The Lupus bags?
Craig: Yeah. They’ve been in here for years. We have 27 of them now. Are we ever going to do anything with them?
Glennon: I don’t know. I don’t want to throw them away, but they probably won’t be yummy anymore.
Craig: Um. What?
Glennon: I don’t know. They’re pretty old.
Craig: Oookay. Well, do we have anything to donate?
Glennon: Huh? Donate?
Craig: Yeah, I mean, we should use these. We should donate something. That’s what they’re for. Why are we just collecting them in our pantry?
Glennon: You think the Lupus foundation wants me to donate them?
Craig: Not donate THEM, donate something IN them.
Glennon: What? How? Donate them to who?
Craig: TO THE LUPUS FOUNDATION.
Glennon: Wait. The Lupus foundation wants me to donate the popcorn they gave me BACK to the Lupus foundation?
Glennon: That’s weird. Fine, what do I do, just leave all the popcorn on the porch? Will they come pick it up? What do they do with it? Why did they send it to me in the first place if they just want it all back?
Glennon: What the hell? What? WHAT? What is going on??
Craig: Jesus, honey. It’s not popcorn. It’s not popcorn, Glennon.
Thanks for nothing, Tricky Lupus Foundation.
*Craig has sworn to God that he will not discuss these sorts of conversations with our therapist.
Happy Weekend, Monkees.
Author of the upcoming memoir LOVE WARRIOR — PRE-ORDER HERE
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