Mar 312010

Craig and I felt very tired after Christmas this year, so instead of disposing of our Christmas tree properly, we threw it on the back porch and left it lying there for months. One morning in late February, I looked out at the abandoned tree on the porch floor and noticed that it looked much smaller than I remembered it. I was curious about that. A week later I looked outside again and saw that the tree was smaller still. What had originally been an eight foot tree now looked like it couldn’t be much longer than I. I realized that the tree was decomposing, right there on my porch floor, without the help of worms or soil or any of the other Earthy things I had always thought were necessary for decomposition. Forever the teacher, I was delighted to have a science experiment that Chase and I could experience together.

One morning I walked Chase to our glass doors and pointed out the shrinking tree on the porch floor. He was amazed. We bundled up and went out on the porch to measure the tree together. We discovered that the tree was three feet shorter than it was in its glory days, when it stood proudly in our family room. Chase was fascinated. We discussed the process of decomposition and he asked me a lot of questions about how a tree could decompose in an enclosed room and I widened my eyes and said it’s amazing, isn’t it? I told him it must be decomposing due to all the air and also, you know, all the science. Each morning, Chase and I sat on the floor side by side, looked through the glass doors at the Christmas tree on the porch floor, and observed it shrink smaller and smaller still. Chase was thrilled. I patted myself on the back for being such a conscientious and sciency mom.

One morning, while Chase and I were sitting on the floor, staring at the tree, and discussing our amazement that it was now clearly just INCHES long… Craig walked up behind us. He heard the tail end of our conversation and interrupted us with the following:

Husband: “Glennon, what are you talking about?”

Me: “Chase and I have been observing this tree for a month. Husband, It’s AMAZING. The tree gets smaller everyday. We had no idea things could decompose at this rate and INSIDE. So cool. Chase has even talked to his teacher about it.”

I waited for Husband to be dazzled by my extraordinary parenting and teaching and observation skills.

Husband: Silence.

Me: Scared.

Husband: Glennon. I’ve been using the tree for firewood.

I start homeschooling in three days. It’ll be fine.

Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  28 Responses to “Y… TRH (Yes, This Really Happened)”

  1. I loved it!!! Hilarious!!!

  2. LOL! I'm dying here! That's too hilarious! I really needed this this morning! Thanks!

  3. G,
    XoXo Susie.

  4. Oh this is fantastic.

    But Glennon, I am 100% sure that you're going to make a fantastic stay at home momma. Not at all based on this post, but just because you're wholesome and Krys has been me telling for so long.

    You are Amazing. And whatever you do, I hope you are able to explore scientific stuff all through the semester.

    And if you get stuck for some reason or another Related to science or math, or what have you, please be in touch if you have any questions. We're here for you! Also, my husband Josh is crazy good at Math, and I'm offering up my services to you, should you need them. Just let me know.

  5. It WILL be fine. :)

  6. HILARIOUS!!! (He didn't say that in front of Chase, did he?)

  7. Love it, love it, love it. Love YOU!

    Still laughing…

  8. Excellent! I'm sure this trip down memory lane is inspiring all sorts of fun sciency home school learning.

  9. I was JUST thinking about the China thing Christy M!!!!! I think I was teaching with Glennon right around this time :) I love it because Glennon is way smarter than me, but still makes hilarious mistakes like I do! Makes me feel a little better about the massive quantity of nonsensical things I get into each day :)

    I think a camera crew needs to be on hand at your house to document reactions to such revelations….I would have loved to have seen Craig's face!!!!

    You are the BEST Glennon! Chase will be smarter than any other boy in the world by the time you're done with him!

    Abbey B.

  10. Oh I love it! I am so glad you are recording your life, it is rich and it is fun!

  11. Heee Heee! You can do it, Glennon!

  12. Oh Glen, I love you so. What country is China in again?

  13. I L.O.L!

    Wiping off my computer screen now. Thank you.

  14. That's hysterical! I love it!

  15. You're not just a "conscientous and sciency" mom, Glennon, now you have magic skills. The shrinking tree…would make a great lesson plan! You may be interested in visited a website for another mother who homeschools–she had some really interesting ideas (I'm sure you totally have what you need, but I love this other mother's blog, and she homeschools,and she's funny, and you're funny, so I just have to tell you about her). It's She has tabs for things like home and garden, recipes, and homeschooling. Hope you like it. :)

  16. That is fantastic. Thanks for the morning laugh.

  17. CLASSIC! Here I was thinking, "wow, what a great teaching experience that came out of this" and then the punch line…..
    Hope you feeling better.


  18. HAHAHHAHAHHHAAA!!!! That is too FUNNY! Can't wait to hear the stories about your experiences homeschooling!!! You are going to be GREAT at it!!!!! :) Your children are blessed to have you!

  19. ps – maybe you could turn this into a lesson regarding what awesome recyclers you are!! hee hee. still laughing.

  20. Totally expecting a sad post today – what a surprise! I don't use it very often but I'm going to break out the old "LOL" – cause I am. :) Good luck today on your new beginnings!!

  21. too funny. love it!

  22. Laughing my butt off!!!! I wish that were literally true. But, laughing very hard nonetheless! Thanks!!

  23. In my book, this was a real experiment and you had important conversations with Chase. For days. I think you're going to be fine in the homeschooling department!

    This post was really funny.

  24. Cracking up laughing. Love it! Enjoy the homeschooling. It will be an amazing experience.

  25. Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning! LOVE IT!!

  26. Hilarious!!

  27. That is so something that I would have NEVER noticed my husband doing, either. I am so glad it's not just me. In return for my not noticing "yard work", he never notices the socks on the floor, the mud he tracks in, or the empty soda bottles that he leaves lying around. To each his own!

  28. HAHAHAHAHA excellent

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