Monkees, please be patient with me.
I have to make a few little changes to today’s plan.
I have spent the entire weekend, as has Erin, thinking about Friday’s post about food. Erin wrote a beautiful, truthful piece about our attitudes about food and how those attitudes effect our lives and other lives. Erin was right. But we both think that it’s not the right thing to do to talk specifically about “healthy eating” today.
First, we don’t want to make the age old, infuriating mistake of pretending that food issues are about food. They’re not, and I, of all people should know that. I am a little confused about food. I have been since elementary school. I guess I was thinking that maybe you were more clear minded. A lot of you, clearly, are. But I’m selfishly comforted knowing that some of your relationships with food are as complicated as mine. It seems that we are one, crazy, beautiful, Monkee mess. Which is kinda nice. I’m also aware, based on some of your emails, that you will never, ever believe that I have body and food issues since I’m thin. Okay, fine. But hold on a second…would you, looking at Husband, think that he had a major problem getting made out with? Might we all, as Monkees, admit once and for all that what’s on the outside rarely offers any indication as to what’s going on inside? Please?
Unfortunately, I am reminded of the time I sat on my dearest friend Adrianne’s couch and told her how much I related to some food issues she was having and how I felt her pain and understood her completely etc etc. When I was done, she looked at me with her big beautiful brown eyes and said “Oh honey. If I weren’t so tired right now I’d get off this chair, walk across the room and ring your skinny little neck.”
So, maybe not. Maybe you’ll never believe me. But as a last ditch effort, I’d like to remind you that I was once hospitalized for eating issues. I have the PAPERWORK. So I’ve got street cred, friends. I’m just saying.
I have read and reread your comments from Friday and it is clear to me that a lot of you have a healthy relationship with food and want some nutritional advice. I am going to hook you up with Erin at the end of this post. But it is also clear to me that some of you did not appreciate the fact that I seemed to be breaking my own rule: NO UNSOLICITED ADVICE at Momastery. This is not a self help place. Maybe it’s a “self breathe” or “self relax” or a “self laugh” or a “self connect” place. I don’t know what the heck it is, honestly, but it’s certainly not a place where we believe in trying to change each other on a surface level. Heck, no. That’s not the truth. If I know anything, it’s that happiness is not one new eating plan away. The truth is that I believe we are just fine the way we are and I also believe our kids are going to be fine and the only thing I believe we need to do differently is to reach out to each other more and stop hiding and thinking our secrets are the most unforgivable and our heads are the craziest and our hearts are the most confused. We just need to quit thinking we’re alone.
Now, I’d like to pause for a moment to publicly acknowledge MommySpoon. If you haven’t yet, please read her comments from Friday. What MommySpoon did in her comment was to remind me and Erin that when a friend is hanging, white knuckled and terrified, onto the edge of the food trauma cliff, it might be better to offer her a hand than a copy of an organic food pyramid. And since MommySpoon was brave, a lot of you started breathing easier. That was obvious. MommySpoon woke us up and kept it real. She went seven layers deeper than we were going, and I was impressed and grateful. So grateful that her name will be immortalized on this blog. From now on, if I offer unsolicited advice or in some way pretend that things are simpler than they really are, please, somebody call “SPOON! SPOON! SPOON! SPOON! If you’re really tired, one SPOON! will do. But SPOON! is now our code word for “keep it real.” The only rule is you’re only allowed to use it on me, not on each other.
Erin and I spent most of the weekend talking about this, and we’re learning. Erin heard you, and she is now is going to spend some time focusing less on nutrition and more on how our minds work. She loves us a whole lot, and she’s smart. She knows that if we’re gonna hear her, she’s got to understand us. For example, remember my organic week last week? It didn’t go as well as my posts may have suggested. I actually felt quite suffocated and panicked I sneaked out of my room each night and quietly stuffed my face with whatever I could find that was close and refined and processed before bed. Hmmm. Good luck with that one, Erin. She’s got her hands full. I’ve asked her to start by reading everything Geneen Roth ever wrote about compulsive eating. And one day, sweet, wise, passionate, Erin will hand us something that will help us. I think it might be what she was made for. But she promises it won’t be a juicer or a list of organic foods. It will be something helpful to our hearts and minds, too.
For those of you who are ready and want it, Erin has some health information for you, and she would love, love, love to get to know you, so email me and I’ll put you in contact. For those of you who would rather have an ear or a hand or a shoulder to cry on than a new eating plan, we’ve got that here, too. Keep sharing. We’ll listen and say “ME TOO.” Craig has software which shows that in the last four months 50,000 people have visited this site. Every time you are brave enough to share your heart here, you help another woman, somewhere, feel less alone. I have hundreds of emails to prove that a lot of women depend on your comments to feel connected and understood. If you have something to say, it might be because somebody else has something to hear. Just maybe.
For now, let’s get back to the point of this blog, which is to remind each other that we are fine, our kids are fine, and the world is going to go ahead and keep spinning for awhile, likely. And that God digs us BAD. He is WILD about us. The crazier, the weepier, the better.
And in keeping with this theme, I now introduce our NEW HERMIT CRAB BOOK CLUB selection:
I know a lot of you have probably already read it. I have. Let’s read it again. We can never be reminded too often that He’s got the whole darn world in His hands. As always, if it’s a bad money month, email me and I’ll send you a copy. Don’t hesitate. It’s important to me that you read this book and you should do things that are important to me because I lose a lot of sleep for you people.
I realize you might be too tired after reading this ridiculously long post to read another book. Maybe take a long break first.
I love you, Monkees.
P.S. Today, let’s all take a moment to remember a man who believed in Love Revolutions and justice and turning the other cheek and treating others as he wanted to be treated. A man who gave his life for those beliefs and in doing so, changed the world. Thank you, Dr. King. Thank you, thank you, a million thank yous.