Aug 282009
 

When Craig gets home from work in the evening, he usually finds the kids and me waiting for him at the end of the driveway. I wave and smile, the kids jump up and down… it’s all very Normal Rockwell. Craig thinks it’s sweet. The neighbors think it’s sweet. It is kind of sweet.

But here’s what nobody knows:

We meet Craig at the end of the driveway because I cannot wait another three minutes to pass off the children.

I’ve watched through the front window when he arrives home and seen how he dawdles in the car before getting out, inches to the mailbox, stops to pet every passing puppy, and then creeps up to the front door with little teeny baby steps. Let’s just say it’s a bit slower process than he employs when he runs out the door to leave for work in the morning.

So, welcome home, honey! Hugs. Kisses. Here are your three beautiful children. No, no, don’t worry about the mail, I’ll get it. Just hurry on inside.

I’M ON TO YOU, MISTER.



Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  35 Responses to “Honey, YOU’RE HOME!”

  1. […] Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your […]

  2. […] Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your […]

  3. […] Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your […]

  4. Sometimes, he is just getting the mail… I know that must be hard to believe.

  5. What a strange concept, “stay at home mom/dad”. We both are working professionals, and we both have very hard days and there are no breaks. Ever. It is pretty equitable. I am not sure what would happen if one of us stayed home. I am guessing there would be a ton of resentment from the one that stayed home.

    Weird.

  6. Why does everyone feel that it is their absolute right to immediately pawn off their children on their husbands? Had a tough day? Maybe he did too. The fact is, you have both just finished a long shift at your respective places of work. Why is it always automatically your turn to take a break, and his to then extend his work shift?

    • I am a full time working mom. For me, even the hardest work days at a small start-up company are still not as exhausting as being at home for 12 solid hours, alone, with my small children. Yes, I love them, so much at times that I want to not work, but there is no break when I am home alone with them. Not a single minute. Even when they are napping, if they nap, I am still on doing something and trying to get something done. My husband works an extra day full time (on Saturday from 7am-6pm) to finish up a degree. And as soon as he walks in the door, he takes the kids so I can go and sit for half an hour on my own and unwind. Nothing is wrong with that. He had the entire day to his self. He was still working, but it was his work, with other adults. And he had half an hour down time in the car after work. And it is certainly not pawning the children off on the husband. They are his kids just as much as the mothers. His day doesn’t end for a break just as much as the mom’s day doesn’t end for a break. Fortunately, my husband understands this as much as I do.

  7. Whiners all. Half of you pushed those guys into having kids they probably did not want so soon anyway. So you got what you asked for, and now your life is so tragic. STFU and stop whining.

  8. […] Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took aSTUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your […]

  9. your kinda a idiot

  10. […] Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your […]

  11. […] I read this blog and was cracking up… SO TRUE. Here’s a snippet (and if you don’t follow this blog, […]

  12. your life = our lives, G. and Craig: brave, very brave. ;)

    now excuse me while I go sit outside on the steps watching for my husband’s car so I can pass off the 3yo……

  13. OMG! I just sent this to my husband. We have 6 year old twins and I can remember telling Carey to come.straight.home. Do not talk with anyone in the elevator. Do not stop at the grocery store. I want you to get in your car and come.straight.home. I am going to the store!!! I’d open the garage door as he was pulling in the drive way and leave the kids at the door waiting on him. I was in my car and gone by the time he was kissing the kids. Hello TARGET!!!!
    Love your blog. Read the whole this this weekend.
    It has seriously had an impact on my life.
    -Shannon in Texas

  14. Sooo funny!! I sent this to my husband so he would know I’m not the only psycho mom out there who makes sure he comes straight home and never goes to the mailbox before walking through the door!

  15. LOL! LOVE THIS! So glad I'm not the only one out there! I esp love that my husband has a 45minute communte home…IN PEACE…by himself, and then he's on a conference call for the first 15-30 minutes he comes in the door!

  16. OMG these are great, I thought I was the only one who's husband did this crap! And your follower with the hubby who goes straight to the bathroom, Todd does that too and my god it takes at least 20 minutes!!!

  17. We are usually on the corner waiting (this works well because then the kids get to "drive" home and I get to walk 2 blocks in silence) I am pretty sure the neighbors think we are crazy since we can pace up and down the street for a good 1 hour before dad gets home.

  18. This cracked me up – but I know it's the most annoying thing in the world because it happens to me too! My husband will stand outside on his blackberry for 15 minutes before he comes inside. Meanwhile, I have two children clinging to my legs as I stand at the stove cooking dinner. LOVE YOUR BLOG!

  19. OMG! Nate and I fight about this all the time. His thing is going to the bathroom. just HAS to do it the minute he comes home from work. and of course his going and my going are two very different things (no pun intended). sometimes I swear he has snuck out the window in the bathroom. get out of there already!!! do you think IIIIII can just go to the bathroom whenever and for however long I want to?! argh

  20. I used to do the same thing when Aidan was a baby…I'd sit on the front steps and just wait. My heart lifted when his car would turn down the street! And it wasn't the romance of it!!! :) So funny.

  21. Come.Straight.Home.

  22. Honey, I was thinking of making a stop at the grocery store this evening after work. Want anything special? :-)

    • I don’t know if this is the real Craig from the story, but if so, well played! That was hilarious!! The whole thing is hilarious! I love it all!

  23. Sneaky… now I know what my husband is up to.

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