Jul 302009

The evening after the intervention, my sister took me to my first AA meeting.She held my sweaty, shaky hand and walked just in front of me, scanning for problems or people from whom to shield me, like she always does. She took an AA brochure from a table so we’d have something to look at as we sat and joined the circle. On the front was a list of warning signs of alcoholism:

Do you drink more than four servings in a setting? One time I didn’t. Do you ever drink in the mornings? Only on weekends. Do you ever blackout? Can’t remember.Have you suffered negative consequences from drinking? Well, being at an AA meeting seemed like a pretty negative consequence.

Neither of us said a word until my sister leaned over and whispered, “I don’t know if AA is going to be good enough for you. We might need Triple A.”

Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  6 Responses to “The Hand I Hold”

  1. I love it! Addicts have a special kind of humor – I love the saying “If I can’t laugh at myself I’m missing the best joke in the room!” So grateful to have celebrated 11 years this summer, the day after my beautiful mother celebrated 33 years. Miracles happen, and are happening, one day at a time.

  2. I just found your blog yesterday – 2-15-2013 – not sure why God had me wait so long to see it – but He knows, I am sure.I am almost old enough to be your mother,but have many of the same feelings about things as you do – and nate berkus – too cute!
    I am recovering from the effects of alcoholism/ drugs in Al-Anon for 6 years now and am growing into the woman God wants me to be – slowly, but surely. I’m married for 35 years & 3 kids (my baby is 9) and after much prayer am feeling that God wants us to separate so that we can both grow up and toward Him. With 2 years of recovery in AA, my husband is just beginning to grow up after almost 40 years of addiction – I too, am sick from living with addicted family ALL of my life and trying to control everyone and everything.I do believe that i am growing up and away from what I have always known. Al – Anon has been a true gift from God in my life, but the person I trust most on this earth ( me now) is walking along with God on my spiritual journey. So glad to have found you and all of the sisters to support me and I hope to be able to use my experiences to help others as well. My mother was my 1st alcoholic (now gone for 20 years after 9 years of recovery) and I do not have a sister – and yes, I do have a pity party about this every now and then – and yes, my children are all boys so I do usually feel like “the odd one out” – hoping that your site and all the Monkees will be good for me, Oh, and I love children too – I taught 4K for many years until God told me that my muscle disorder and continual stress were too much for me and set me on my path to brokenness and now healing – i will never turn back –
    Many blessings to you, Anna

  3. You’re truly amazing, you have such and incredible gift in your writing and your wisdom. I’m praying for you often, you have such a meaningful purpose and you are doing the Lord’s work! God bless you and your family during this difficult time.

  4. Wow! I love your writing. I am a recovering addict. With God's help, I will be celebrating 2 years clean and sober in Oct. Thanks for writing exactly how i feel. I am going to recommend this blog to every mom I know!

  5. I remember my first meeting so vividly too. The topic was "What it was like, what happened, and what it's like today." I had bruises on my body and was sweating alcohol. I am so grateful to not need another first meeting today, and I am also very grateful to have found your blog. It is poetic and lovely, and I feel as if I know exactly where you're coming from. :)

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